Let’s Talk About Faith

Have you ever wondered how two people can experience similar circumstances and reach drastically different conclusions?

I recently read an interview with Jen Hatmaker. If you aren’t familiar with Hatmaker, she has been a Christian writer and speaker for most of her adult life. She was a pastor’s wife, and about five years ago walked through a divorce.

Sound familiar?

Let’s review a few similarities between Hatmaker and myself:

We both grew up in the 80s/90s.

We both were grounded in the church, specifically the Southern Baptist Church.

We both went to the same Baptist university.

We both married pastors.

We both grew up in the purity culture.

We both experienced the devastation of adultery and divorce.

We both swore off dating apps after very brief forays into the digital world of dating.

We both have reconstructed our faith.

Sounds pretty good so far, right? In spite of the many similarities, there are also some drastic differences in how we have responded to the assaults on our faith. Even before the revelation of her now ex-husband’s adultery, Hatmaker had begun to re-evaluate her faith. She had a very public split with the Southern Baptist Convention when she came out in favor of the LGBTQIA community. This stance created a firestorm which resulted in Hatmaker’s books being pulled from shelves.

When she announced her divorce, she was in (possibly) a more vulnerable position than I was. In her interview (you can read it here), Hatmaker states her ex-husband had been the financial person in their relationship. She had to learn all about finances and taxes in the days after her divorce. I, on the other hand, had been the financial person so I was already comfortable handling the day-to-day decisions.

I think one of the biggest differences in our response post-divorce is how we respond to our faith. There’s no doubt Hatmaker’s response to her faith was also affected by the earlier stance with the LGBTQIA community, a situation I did not endure. But, in light of her divorce, Hatmaker states she no longer attends church. She says she still has a relationship with God, but she has broken with the institution–at least for now. I, on the other hand, cannot imagine functioning without my church family. Maybe it’s because I’ve moved away from the church where my ex-husband and I once served together.

Hatmaker’s statement is this: My faith is still what anchors me, what leads me, what compels me, what sustains me. I had always deeply succeeded in the two institutions that kept me credible: church and marriage. Having lost one and disconnected myself from the other, I’ve discovered a faith that exists beautifully outside of all of that.

Our faith, while different, is also the same. We have walked through the horrible devastation and destruction of adultery and abuse. We have reconstructed our faith. We have reconstructed our lives. Although many of my beliefs are still very similar to those I was taught as a child, Hatmaker’s beliefs (from what I am reading) now differ much more dramatically from the faith of her childhood.

But, we both believe Jesus is the Savior of the world. We believe Jesus came to love people. Our job as Christians is to love people like Jesus loved. Maybe the way we express that love is different, but we both believe in loving as Jesus loves.

How is it, though, the two people can be so much alike and so different?

I don’t know Hatmaker. I don’t know what makes her tick. I know her public persona is very different from me.

I feel compelled to live holy, not because of a set of rules but because of a love for Jesus. I am very cautious about my language, my choices, the way I live because I have a responsibility to set an example for others. There are many things I don’t do–curse, drink, have sex outside of marriage–not because of a religious rule but because I believe I must be set apart from the world. How will others know I have been changed if I look just like the world around me?

Maybe I am simply rambling today. Wouldn’t be the first time. (Not to mention my head is all clogged with this summer cold I’m fighting.)

I think it’s great that we as a culture are re-evaluating our religious beliefs. I think it’s important that we understand what we believe and are assured it is based on scripture, not false interpretations of scripture. I am thankful for the growth in my life as a result of divorce, for how my beliefs have changed and really been evaluated. But, we must be careful to cling to those essentials, to throw away the pits while we hold to the good.

My question is this: How has your faith changed over your lifetime? What are the good parts of faith that you cling to? What are the pits you’ve tossed out?

I think it’s healthy to ask these questions.